Philosophy, Dogma & Bull$#!^™

...not necessarily in that order...
The profound and the trivial of my life and mind.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Letterman, Winfrey Bury Hatchet -- [Winfrey: "What Hatchet?"]

That's actually not a Winfrey quote. it's more like a paraphrase of, "I have never for a moment had a feud with you," an actual quote appearing here. Regarding the alegded feud: "In 2003 Winfrey told Time magazine she wouldn't go on his show because she's been 'completely uncomfortable' as the target of his jokes." Not a feud, a misunderstanding -- on multiple levels, apparently.
Winfrey again: "I've been hearing for the past week you talking about it, and I didn't know if you were really serious or you were just doing your 'Dave thing.'" She must have missed the "Late Show" following Letterman's bypass surgery. He invited the doctors, who, "...saved my life," onto the show to publicly thank them, becoming visibly moved as he did so. The moment became fodder for one of Letterman's trademark, self-depricating, running gags. So, this is certainly not the first time Dave has demonstrated how brilliant he can be while he juggles being serious with the 'Dave thing.'

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Omen on the High Court?

The pediment includes 30 blocks of dentil molding that arc over nine muscular and serious sculptures that represent "Order," "Liberty Enthroned" and "Authority" along with past justices, a senator and other luminaries.

When one of the dentil blocks fell, chipping into "Authority" and dinging the "Equal Justice Under Law" inscription, some tourists were marveling at the grand building while others stood in line to attend the morning's oral arguments.

"No one was on the steps when it fell," said Lawrence Lippmann, a tourist from Napa, Calif. "A group of about 50 people had just gone inside. . . . It was a very strange thing, a curiosity to see something like this happen. A little unnerving," he said, holding his 6-year-old daughter, Sarah, close by.

Sarah was still jittery after the crack and thud of the marble. She pointed to a squirrel scampering up the steps and told her father: "That squirrel is going to get hit by the building!"

It's awful tempting to read something into this. No surprise that what it could mean depends a bit on who you ask...

Monday, November 28, 2005

How do these people survive?

Ever wonder if stories like these are true?

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was
the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the
lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of
those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between
our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so
she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy
that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had
no clue to what had just happened.

THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive
and pulling it out very quickly. When asked what she was doing, she said she
was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number,
so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you
need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you
think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to
fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just
this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive
over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing
paper. What do I do?" "Just use copy machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager
what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office
of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems
with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of
my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher
tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says,
I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
  • Believable: one, two, four, five and six
  • Iffy: three and eight
  • "Please-tell-me-these-are-bogus": seven and nine

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Trial may decide illegal worker's rights


Whether an undocumented immigrant injured in an on-the-job accident in Alabama can receive compensation is at the core of a trial under way in Birmingham.

Omar Santos Cruz, 18, an illegal immigrant, was seriously injured after falling at a construction site at Greystone in March 2004. He was a minor at the time.

His attorney, Vicenta Bonet Smith, is seeking at least $500,000 in damages from contractor Henry Lambert. Lambert contends that the job was sub-contracted and that he was not the teen's employer.

AAARRRGH!! How the hell did this make it into the courtroom??

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

John F. Kennedy Assassination

Pilgrims flock to see 'Buddha boy' said to have fasted six months

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

10 years after death, Hokey Pokey writer still won't stay down

Larry LaPrise (Roland Lawrence LaPrise), the man known as the writer of the Hokey Pokey would have been 93 on November 11. He was born in Detroit, Michigan, in 1912. LaPrise wrote the song in the late 1940s for the aprés-ski crowd at a club in Sun Valley, Idaho. The song was first recorded by his group the Ram Trio (with Charles Macak and Tafit Baker) in 1949. They were awarded U.S. copyright in 1950.

After LaPrise's death on April 4, 1996, a joke began to circulate the Internet...

"With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93.
[sic] The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny."

I only saw this joke in my inbox today, 10 years later. Apparently, they're still having trouble keeping LaPrise in his grave...

source: Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

EFF: How to Blog Safely

How to Blog Safely (About Work or Anything Else)
Published April 6, 2005
Updated May 31, 2005

Blogs are like personal telephone calls crossed with newspapers. They're the perfect tool for sharing your favorite chocolate mousse recipe with friends--or for upholding the basic tenets of democracy by letting the public know that a corrupt government official has been paying off your boss.

If you blog, there are no guarantees you'll attract a readership of thousands. But at least a few readers will find your blog, and they may be the people you'd least want or expect. These include potential or current employers, coworkers, and professional colleagues; your neighbors; your spouse or partner; your family; and anyone else curious enough to type your name, email address or screen name into Google or Feedster and click a few links.

The point is that anyone can eventually find your blog if your real identity is tied to it in some way. And there may be consequences. Family members may be shocked or upset when they read your uncensored thoughts. A potential boss may think twice about hiring you. But these concerns shouldn't stop you from writing. Instead, they should inspire you to keep your blog private, or accessible only to certain trusted people.